The accidental phantom

Haunting a park bench near you.

“But my way of writing is rather to think aloud, and follow my own humours, than much to consider who is listening to me; and, if I stop to consider what is proper to be said to this or that person, I shall soon come to doubt whether any part at all is proper.”

― Thomas De Quincey, Confessions of an English Opium Eater

Ever get the feeling we’re having a conversation? Like, my favorite kind — where I get to do all the talking.

I guess it’s kind of like sitting beside that old guy on a park bench — and getting way more than you bargained for. He sure has a lot to say.

But, honestly, I learned a lot over the years from assorted folks on assorted park benches. Including how to get properly high.

“You’re holding it wrong, you damn fool! Give me that thing!”

Sure, he goes on about his life. And on and on. But I’d always recognize in this accidental neighbor a need to be heard. How many days had he been holding back those thoughts? Years? What a relief to find someone like me, maybe — someone upon whom he could unleash the kraken.

Loneliness is a hell of a drug.

And it makes strangers on park benches a bit of a mixed bag. You never know what you’ll get.

A little wisdom? A little company? A little high? Or all of the above?

So, sure, I’m probably that guy on the bench. The only thing I can promise you is company. If we get high, it will be on our natural supply. Because, recovery, too, can be a hell of a drug — leaving you light of head, heart and soul.

You see, I’ve had a lot of thoughts over my drug-doing years — of very uneven quality. And I know first-hand that they have an expiry date. Leave them too long on the mind and, trust me, they will go bad. All that isolation — and with only the pigeons to talk — is it any wonder your average park bench warmer is keen to have an audience?

Drug addiction can feel like that bench. People may surround you, and you still don’t feel seen or heard.

That’s why it feels so good to make these confessions.

If you have anything you’ve been holding onto for too long, I can listen too. If the comment section isn’t for you, drop me a line at confessionsofacracksmoker@gmail.com.

(And how do you like that email?)

Thanks for sitting with me today.