Life is hard to define. There are many different lists of the characteristics and essential processes: nutrition, reproduction, response to stimuli, and I definitely remember death having a poll position. But, I’ve never seen sleep/rest/recovery included and I think, after reading your entry, that maybe it should be.
It’s a particularly cruel irony that an addict trades the daily free drift to dreamland for the relentless indentured search for brief nods and slivers of a former high. It makes me think that, now in recovery, you are living the dream(s you lost out on) full-time and that's nice.
Eventually you will be fully-alive and ego-centric dreaminess will have to fall in line with the other necessities of adult life but I appreciate that your introspection has high-reflectivity. Perhaps, contrary to popular opinion, you - and your lot? - are worth thinking about…
So much to think about here, Melissa. I guess I am living the dream. The original dream. Maybe recovery offers a way of finding it again. Lucky me. Really.
I also find myself a big fan of the word, ‘eventually’ these days. It's nice to look forward again.
Honestly, I rolled around in bed from the wee hours falling in and out of conscious thought and unreality, with this entry of yours as a common thread. And, it occurred to me how nice it was to a) not have to get out of bed in a rush and, b) have new thoughts precipitate. When I’m in a phase of indulging my vices, I hop out of bed so I can have a coffee & smoke, etc, etc with the excuse of “freeing my mind”. Foolish, huh? So, yeah, there are some double-whammies in all these words, your’s and mine, but I think we’re best to grab on to the “this is new”, “I’m not there yet”, and “I can only do better when I know better” mantras. Because, WOW - look how gorgeous it is today!!!
Life is hard to define. There are many different lists of the characteristics and essential processes: nutrition, reproduction, response to stimuli, and I definitely remember death having a poll position. But, I’ve never seen sleep/rest/recovery included and I think, after reading your entry, that maybe it should be.
It’s a particularly cruel irony that an addict trades the daily free drift to dreamland for the relentless indentured search for brief nods and slivers of a former high. It makes me think that, now in recovery, you are living the dream(s you lost out on) full-time and that's nice.
Eventually you will be fully-alive and ego-centric dreaminess will have to fall in line with the other necessities of adult life but I appreciate that your introspection has high-reflectivity. Perhaps, contrary to popular opinion, you - and your lot? - are worth thinking about…
So much to think about here, Melissa. I guess I am living the dream. The original dream. Maybe recovery offers a way of finding it again. Lucky me. Really.
I also find myself a big fan of the word, ‘eventually’ these days. It's nice to look forward again.
Thanks for the wise words.
Honestly, I rolled around in bed from the wee hours falling in and out of conscious thought and unreality, with this entry of yours as a common thread. And, it occurred to me how nice it was to a) not have to get out of bed in a rush and, b) have new thoughts precipitate. When I’m in a phase of indulging my vices, I hop out of bed so I can have a coffee & smoke, etc, etc with the excuse of “freeing my mind”. Foolish, huh? So, yeah, there are some double-whammies in all these words, your’s and mine, but I think we’re best to grab on to the “this is new”, “I’m not there yet”, and “I can only do better when I know better” mantras. Because, WOW - look how gorgeous it is today!!!