The signal

Recovery is the tuning of the spirit.

I’m still tuned into Recovery Radio.

Maybe I should change the dial and get on with writing all the things I dreamed of as a kid — adventures, fantasies, stories for children with secret messages for grownups.

But the truth is, I don’t think I’m finished writing about this one thing.

The last time I wrote this feverishly, I was writing obituaries for the newspaper. They made me feel like I had a purpose. I was chronicling a life from beginning to end.

It didn’t feel like I was the story’s creator — just its conduit. After interviewing everyone, I’d race back to the newsroom and heave the whole story onto the page almost at once. It flowed through me, trickling from my fingertips and finally distilling into a drop or two of wisdom.

I was a receiver, dialed in.

When I became an addict, I had trouble locking into that signal. More and more, I relied on craft — the tricks they teach you in journalism school — while casting about for a message.

It’s not like the signal disappeared. It just got lost in years of emotional static.

But what if I was never dialing into some otherworldly radio station in the first place, but rather the divine in my own heart — and yours too?

When I learned how to live honestly, my heart cleared. And so did the static.

I found the signal.

That’s why my radio is still tuned to recovery. This is how I express my truth. You might express yours differently — through music, dancing, knitting, cooking, or cuddling.

Truth manifests in everything we do. Even the seemingly simple act of hugging.

That makes sense because I used to really suck at it. My ex was exceptional, though. She’d often rope me in for a life‑affirming embrace. How I squirmed.

I was incapable, I guess, of giving an honest hug; my heart too clouded by guilt, resentment, and toxic shame.

You should see me now.

Maybe we can say the same about the words you’re reading. Because they hail from a place that, for once in a very long time, is true.

When you find your truth, you find your signal.