Everybody's talking

Does every moment have to be claimed?

‘All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.’

~ Blaise Pascal

My one superpower is also a curse.

It’s my accidental ability to pretend to be interested. Don’t ask me how I do it exactly — maybe a tactical twitch of the eyebrow or a well-placed, “Oh my.”

It just comes naturally.

And people respond accordingly. They tell me endless stories. Just the other, day, in fact, I found myself hopelessly entangled with someone at the gym. He was telling me about the declining quality of steaks and various seafood dishes The Keg — a subject always of keen interest to a vegetarian.

But I figured I’d donate the time. He was, no doubt, lonely, and, in his own way, an addict. His drug of choice, like many, is noise.

Have you ever been around a noise addict? Like someone who calls constantly to say nothing at all? Or generates a constant stream of faux drama that needs your urgent attention? They’re destabilizers and disruptors who can’t make peace with themselves so they bring their war to others. Beware these troubadours of manufactured toil and trouble. They will really mess you up.

The guy at the gym that day was bringing the noise.

Finally, when I he was finished, I offered the usual proprieties — a slow, meaningful nod, and a bit of an ‘uh huh.’

I'm a natural!

But just as I was angling toward the door, he started up on an entirely new thread. He wasn’t entirely lost to irritable mouth syndrome. He could tell I was restless.

“Why are you in such a rush?” he asked.

Busted. I couldn’t conjure a single reason for my exit. Really, I had nothing to do. Ever since quitting drugs, I don’t hurry to and fro. There just aren’t any more dealers to meet and itches to scratch.

But it’s exactly because I’m living more in the moment that I find myself looking for the exit from so many conversations.

Like you, I’m in this world on an intelligence-gathering mission. And hopefully, the knowledge I attain, transmuted with experience, will amount to a little wisdom.

So you’d think I’d be all ears, all the time. And really, I do try to listen more. But some people take advantage and just offload whatever. I find myself increasingly less willing to absorb the discomfort of others at the expense of my own. Plus, let’s face it, when you’re in the act of talking, you’re not actively thinking — just clearing out the dregs of whatever is left in the pipes.

I used to have a lot of rot in my pipes. I was always talking, striving to fill every moment with the sound of my own voice. I was a hardcore noise addict.

In recovery, I became a different kind of conversationalist — one who listens greedily.

Lots of people who get clean make that transition. Recovery stories are just too good, too hard-earned and too wise to ignore. Among addicts, even silence can be sage. In fact, at meetings, there’s a term for leaving the quiet unclaimed. Strategic use of silence.

In this breathless world, it’s hard to be a selective listener. Often, we take what we can get. Which makes us vulnerable to all kinds of iron-tongued narcissists.

Sometimes, the noise-to-wisdom ratio is just too high. Which is why getting the fuck out of there should always be an option.

Because this noisy world only soothes a noisy soul.