Back to the fracture
Time travel is lonely.
Every junkie builds a time machine. It’s a rickety old thing that only moves us forward through vast swathes of life with little memory of how we got there.
Also, the time machine frequently blows up mid-flight, taking the pilot with it.
If I could build a real time machine though, I might visit the childhood version of me. I might even offer him a little advice. I’m not sure he’d follow it.
But since I went to all the trouble of building a time machine, I’d tell him anyway. And since I know for a fact that he was a very lonely little astronaut, he’d probably at least listen.
My advice?
Try to do as much as you can in the first run. I mean, everything you want to try, the places you want to see, and the people you want to love. Don’t let them get away because you’re afraid of making mistakes. Life’s too short to circle back for anything you think you missed.
In this world, the only thing you should ever overindulge in is the moment.
Hold fast to it, even if it occasionally blows up in your face.
And if he asks me about the future — about the mistakes waiting for him — I won't tell him to stay away from drugs. But I will say it’s even harder for an ex-addict. We just wake up one day to find the whole middle part of our life gone. All we’re left with are the bookends — youthful memories and haunted old age. With just a void in between.
This life can seem like a breeze until you try to circle back for something you may have left behind. Then you’re facing an unrelenting wind. But many ex-junkies will only run harder because they know that learning this lesson, even late, is the best thing that ever happened to them. Some will even find the things they missed. Others will die trying.
Will the childhood version of me listen to the former crack smoking version of me? Probably not. That kid never thought much of me. He’d probably build the busted time machine anyway. Just to spite me.
But he'll figure it out eventually. And circle back around. Maybe we’ll even meet again.
It must be a strange feeling of loneliness when you change your life and realize you have lost years to the crackhead world. You also must feel relieved to know you can have a great life in the land of the crack free world. So proud of you for all you have accomplished. Going to school passing your course and continuing on with the next course. I do believe you are here to not only make your life better but to help others by telling them your progress in and out of this crazy world. It always helps knowing you are not the only one. Keep travelling down this wonderful path you have chosen. You are doing amazing.
You are a wonder...